just took 2 days off revision

Before I started university I knew that it was going to be hard, I just thought with the right amount of hours put in i'd be able to hack it and get a first. No no no, that's not how it works dears. One of my first examined modules is called human structure and function and that's so hardcore, I mean we did so much work from the get go. In about 2 hours the professor would go through 14 pages. 14 pages that have terminology that I've never even heard of. osteoblast, extra cellular matrix, cartilage... just kidding about the last one. I've spent maybe 8 hours on tissues, 2 hours of my timetabled lecture, I then slipped into the repeat lecture which was another 2 hours. 3 hours of revision on Saturday and then 4 hours this week. that's 10 hours! and I'm just halfway through the lecture notes. Now in order to create a work/life balance and a bit of pocket money I took a day of to bake some cakes and then sell them to a sweets shop. Don't get me wrong I did do some work, a chemistry problems sheet but nothing really quantifiable.

This is how things went downhill, on Wednesdays I have a workshop in the mornings, since it was just the second workshop we didn't do much aside from familiarise ourselves to our e-portfolios,
and I have a chemistry practical in the afternoons from 2-5. To enter the lab you must complete a health and safety test and pass it, now because I have 2 different sets of practicals I thought it was the same health and safety test, but before we go on to that. I forgot my lab coat and goggles at home, so I had to take the train back. It completely slipped my mind that I need to print a practical booklet and complete the test, this just dawned on me at 12.40 when I was getting ready to leave.

The health and safety test was really hard and I have no idea what the pass rate is, the questions were things like which of the following is not true for a pregnant woman and what colour fire extinguisher should you not use for organic fires. What?
In my first attempt I got 19/30 which was an obvious fail, I attempted it again and got 21/30 which was still a fail! on top of that it was now 13.10 bearing in mind a 40 minute journey to my uni. I don't know why I even went to be honest, I guess I was just trying my luck but my train got delayed. And I arrived at uni at 14.05
Schools and colleges may be lenient when you're a couple of minutes late but at university, well my university anyway there's absolutely no tolerance so I just ended up going to the library. I was actually upset so feeling sorry for my self I bought my self a Starbucks 'white' mocha... or so I ordered. only when I got home did I realise it was an ordinary mocha. I then got my self a carrot cake. what can I say? I comfort eat, sometimes I need those food opiates. I then spent to time chatting to my family and then went to sleep.
Thursday: my day off uni which I planned to revise and bake cakes, but since when do things go my way? I spent 9-12 with my aunt and grandma helping them re-do the living room, and then I had to cook for both families and on top of that I made 14 cakes, collected my sister from school and then delivered dinner to my aunt. Long story short I ended up not doing much revision.

It's going to be Monday again real soon, and I have a lecture and a half to finish! The moral of this blog is. never take a whole day of revision, it's hard to get back into that pattern once you've taken even a day of.

Some good has come out of this long and dreadful week, I've stopped writing motivational messages but last night some magic happened. This happened.
 It's not about how it starts... but how it ends. Things will go someway, but not always yours. How you deal with that is more important than how it ends. Life is a rollercoaster, it will take you up and down and spin you around, make you lose direction.
Wounds will heal, broken hearts will mend. Weather the storm and your scars will become inspirational stories!

It's no longer just about me

Troughout my whole life I've always aimed high for selfish reasons, to live a luxurious life. To take my kids to the best private schools, to live in a expensive life. My family supported that idea, except their vision was through medicine, to become a doctor and then go back to our home country and open a private clinic. Which is why I started of my academic life geared towards medicine, demonstrated by A level (studied between 16-18 usually) and GCSE (Examinations taken at 16) choices and also all the volunteer work I used to look for and do. But I'm so happy that medicine didn't work out for me (you don't hear that very often I think) don't get me wrong I love the knowledge is entails. I'm passionate about life sciences-well just the parts that apply to humans.
But I've come to realise that I don't want to be a doctor -for now anyway, it's a hard job and its not worth the stress and pressure if its just about the money.

But I'm averting from my point. My country is just getting back from it's feet after 20 years of civil war, lots of organisation are getting started up to help better it. After watching a couple of youtube clips about people going back and making a huge difference, be it through medicines, new hospitals, schools and universities. I feel like it's also my duty to go back and make a difference in peoples lives, a difference in the quality of water they drink, increase their aspirations and make millions of dreams possible. I've had it really easy in the west and I've never been to my home country. In England there is income support for those who need it, free education and also free school meals for those children whose parents are unemployed. In my country however there is no such thing, you get what you work for, and work is scarce in war torn areas, in fact if the husband dies in a family, they will forever be poor. unless/until the children are old enough, or they have family abroad.

Which is why I've decided tonight that I really should stop acting spoilt, who cares if any job I get into just pays the minimum wage, or if I end up on benefits, at least it's something. Not that I've set my standards low but we really should appreciate what we have.

God willing I will make a huge difference to those who really need it. One school and One hospital at a time.

You see it's no longer about just me, it's about my people.

I am now 2 weeks into university life, and it looks like freshers week was definitely over rated. Not much that interests me was going on, only thing that I found interesting was languages. I have a passion for language, fluent in 2 languages and have a GCSE in German, though I wouldn't be able to have a conversation with a German person (tried it once in Frankfurt and failed) .
There was a beginners Italian class going on at a convenient time which I attended, Italian sounds so amazing when spoken and their culture seems full of life. The beginning was quite easy "Come si chiama" which means whats your name. But then it got so difficult so fast and I realised that I was being superficial in a way. I expected it to be easy and sound like the stereotypes.
Then I decided that since its possible to get credits for languages and increased employability, I'd revisit my good old freund (friend) German.
Obviously with all things in life there was a catch, you could only do it if your course was less than a certain amount of credits, with biochemistry you pretty much have a full timetable credits wise- don't even get me started with contact hours. So... the only way for me to carry on with German and have it accredited is if I pay for it, and with the cost of tuition fees I'm not willing to pay a penny more.

University is nothing like I thought it would be like. which is disappointing. You never see the same people again, in two of my lectures there are 350 people, every time I go I see someone I haven't seen before. At my uni we only have lectures and practical (practical's are once a week). so we literally have no interaction with our teachers, where other universities have seminar and/or tutorials, we have questions set online weekly which aren't even marked. Meaning you're on your own and it's also harder to make friends that way. So far I've only made 2, and have forgotten the name of one already :/
What's really annoying though is that they started this whole 'online tutorial' this year because in previous years students didn't turn up, and I for one am really pissed that I'm paying for others wrong doings.