bloody chemistry exam! and tutoring.

Closer to the new year I actually started to write a post of how im going to better my self this year, not new years resolutions per se, but because I recently turned 20 I feel like I should take a lot more control and responsibility in my life. Obviously being a full time student, for me that really means my work. which started of great, I covered around 20 pages of chemistry lecture notes that day and the following. I also went to the gym- which I haven't for a while. Increased the hours I tutored, so all started better than I could've hoped for. But then the massive crash happened, I have 2 lecturers for chemistry, I finished one of the lecturers notes (who I shall refer to Dr X from here on) and still had Dr Y's stuff untouched. Now Dr X, well I really don't like his teaching style and I usually use that time to catch up on sleep. Friday morning, warm lecture hall and dim light- quite tempting environment to snooze. But his work is quite straight forward so I didn't have many problems when revising. Dr Y however, OMG Dr Y's lectures always leave me more confused than I was when i  walked in. It may be easier to stay awake in his lectures but I don't understand what the hell he's talking about. Honestly after a whole semester I just have random words stuck in my head which I don't even know the meaning of (until today). So progress on his notes has been very very...very slow. I'm not even half way through his notes yet and am having a mental break down. The exam is on FRIDAY *sniff sniff*

You may be familiar to the phrase 'fight or flight' with me, when things get hard, well revision not other things. I tend to run, avoid it at all if possible. Because it means for the times that I am away from my work I'm not feeling so frustrated all the time. Take today for e.g. I had a day of today, had to help out my neighbour in the morning but after 11 am I was pretty much free. But instead of starting revision straight away, I finished of a movie I started the other day. Then did some stats work, which isn't due anytime soon, rather than the chemistry. Aaaarghhh, I've now been sitting here for God knows how long, the sun was still out and I only went down to cook dinner and eat it. And now it's approaching midnight. never again will I choose a chemistry module. Quite ironic I've been told since i chose biochemistry but whatever lol. I just cant wait for Friday to come and go. At this point, just a pass feels like an achievement. It's moments like these that make me consider transferring to biomedical science. I don't know, i guess i'm just going to see where life takes me, this chemistry module makes me hate chem. The practical's - not the chem ones- i find interesting and really like. You don't get those in biomed. And to make life even more complicated, the module human structure and function has rekindled my love for medicine. Maybe graduate entry medicine?
I have no clear direction or a set out plan, I've been following plans for too long. I'll just follow my heart.


I also decided that I was going to be a much better tutor, be more encouraging and enthusiastic about learning. I only managed that for 2 sessions then the rest consisted of me constantly checking the time wanting to leave. It's even more frustrating when the parent asks you to teach at their level, and im just there thinking. This girl is a 9/10 year old, who knows all her timetables and can calculate 85X93 (MashaAllah) what more do you want woman!
I honestly don't know how teachers do it. Casting my mind back to when i was in school, I don't remember a teacher that was as grumpy as i am when i'm tutoring. It's those rare moments that keep me going, when you see a child do something by themselves that they couldn't do an hour ago, and how happy some students get when they know im coming. The 9 year old and a 6 year old are the cutest students I've met, theyre still challenging and test my patience, but they greet me with a hug and wave like crazy when they see me outside. Which is very touching and makes me want to be a better teacher. Not just a teacher to them though, a motivator. My A2 chemistry practical teacher used to talk to us, motivate us, inspire us and encourage us. Giving us revision aids, study tips, he used to tell us how to revise and how long to revise by using himself as an example. He even cut his Christmas holidays a week short so that he could help out in a revision session during the holidays. He wanted the best for us and it was obvious.

I really hope I'll have the same impact on my students as my teacher had on me.